A Million Regrets
by iheartedward123456789
Summary: Bella died when she was attacked by James. Now it's a year later and Edward is overcome with memories and regret.


**Okay, so this is a one shot that I just had to write. I don't know why, but I just couldn't write on any of my other stories, I had no internet, and this idea just came to mind. So, I hope you like it. :D**

A year ago today, I lost my angel, my Bella. James had gotten away with his twisted plan to kill her. And it was my fault.

I'd been too late. Once I'd arrived at the ballet studio, he was finishing her off, draining the last bit of her life from her. And she'd been in pain. She'd said not to get revenge. I only knew because I had watched the video of her murder through the mind's of my family. He'd asked her if she'd wanted me to try and kill him once he'd killed her, and she'd screamed no.

I was truly a monster.

I ran in, ripping Bella from his arms, hoping she had enough blood in her to change her if that's what would save her life. But she was barely holding on. She was almost gone when I found her. James didn't try to stop me because he knew he was victorious, he knew that she was dead and that she wouldn't be needed anymore. He'd ran away to kill more humans, like my love.

If I could have cried in that moment, my body would have been shaking with the force of my sobs. Though her blood was spilled every where, all over the floor, the mirrors, _her_, I couldn't smell it. I only wanted her to live, something I knew wouldn't happen. With her last breath she had whispered in the only voice she could manage, "I love you, Edward. Always remember that." And then she'd shut her eyes. Her heart had pushed out two slow, prolonged beats, before stopping entirely. I would have asked Carlisle to save her, do compressions, do _something_, but he wasn't here, and though I had degrees, I wouldn't have been able to remember how to save her. I would have killed her myself if I had remembered.

It's hard to believe that only happened a year ago. As I remembered these memories, the ones I would rather forget altogether, I started running to the Fork's Cemetery. I had to say hello to her.

Once I arrived at the gates, I slowed my pace to that of a mourning human, which as far as I was concerned, I was.

I walked up to her grave stone at the back of the cemetery. It still had the flowers I had placed here last time resting against the stone. Though I memorized the words the moment I read them, I felt the need to read the inscription on the stone.

_Isabella Marie Swan_

_Beloved daughter step-daughter, girl-friend, and friend. She will be missed terribly._

_September 13__th__ 1987-March 18__th__ 2005_

Only 17 years old. She'd experienced so little. And I lost her forever. She was forever buried beneath the ground. All I could have were my memories of her beautiful brown eyes, her long brown hair, and the expressions she would always wear on her face. At that moment I could have sworn I felt a tear streak down my cheek. But before I could think about it much longer, I realized it was just the rain.

"Hello, Bella," I said. I wanted to have time to talk to her before it started raining to hard.

"I just wanted to come by and see you." I felt a bit stupid, talking to a grave, but I felt like someway, somehow, she could hear me.

"I miss you, Bella," I whispered after a minute of silence. "I think about you every day. How I could have saved you. You could be in my arms. I'm so sorry, Bella. I love you." Right now, I wished I could cry. It would get my emotions out somehow; show the world how much I loved Bella, how much I missed her.

I looked up at the ever darkening sky, realizing I should leave now before the rain started pouring. Then I looked back at Bella's grave.

"I'll be back soon, Bella. As soon as the rain stops, I'll be back," I promised.

Then, I pressed my lips against the stone like I used to kiss Bella's forehead.

"I love you, Bella. Forever." And then I ran back toward my house as the sky opened up and let everything it had, out.

**&&&**

The rain didn't stop. For two days straight, it rained without letting up. At least I had time to wait. After all, it was Spring Break.

_Edward,_ Jasper thought. _You're killing me. You're so depressed. It's so much worse than usual._

"Jazz, you don't understand," I answered coldly. "Your true love isn't dead."

"I know, Edward. But have you ever thought that she would want you to be happy? Not moping around?"

"He has a point, Edward," Alice agreed, walking into the room. She never danced anywhere now. "It doesn't matter if it's raining. Go see her. Besides. The rain is going to be letting up soon." I whispered a silent thanks, got in my Volvo, and sped to see Bella.

**&&&**

"Hey, Bella," I hollered as I neared the grave site. "I know it hasn't stopped raining yet. But I had to come sooner," I whispered. "I miss you so much. I just wish you could be here in person."

Though I'm sure it was in my head, I could have sworn what I heard next was spoken aloud: _Edward, stop beating yourself up about this_. When I heard it, my head shot up, looking for any sign of Bella. But, like always, she wasn't there. _It's not your fault you didn't get to the ballet studio in time. I should have waited for you like you said. But I was stupid. I thought he had Renee. I wanted to stay and wait for you to get off the plane, but I couldn't risk her getting hurt. I tried to push against my death. But don't ever say it's your fault. It's not._ The voice belonged to Bella, there was not doubt about it.

After a moment of thought, I shook my head in disagreement. "I should have been there. But now that doesn't matter, does it?" I waited several minutes for an answer, but when I heard none, I got up and decided it was about time I got home. By now, the rain had stopped.

"I have to go, Bella. Just remember that even though you're not here, I love you. More than ever. I always will. Goodbye, Bella. I'll visit soon."

_I love you too, Edward, _came the voice in my head again. _I love you too._

_

* * *

_

**I was crying while I was writing this. I don't know why. Haha. But I really like this story, and I'm proud of myself.(: Thank you for reading! :D**

* * *


End file.
